Do you ever feel that the higher ups tend to abuse their posting power with relentless spam?



No? Oh. EH. Read this guide anyway.



~The Intro~

In order to spam, we must first learn how not to spam. This may seem counter-intuitive, but I'm a firm believer in the "Know what thine enemy knows so you can annoy the living sh*t out of them with said knowledge" mentality.

A fine forum post looks something like this:
Why hello there ladies and gentleman, how are you doing on this fine day? I, myself, am doing fine.
I was wondering if we could bring up the topic of authority abuse. I know that our glorious admins have had a history of going mad with power,
and I wanted to see if we could set up certain rules and regulations to protect us lowly forum members from the destruction that it brings.
Look at that. Wow. Isn't it great? Very few spelling mistakes AND the grammar is... decent. I'd say this is a great post all in all and-

WRONG. THIS IS WRONG AND YOU SHOULD FEEL WRONG FOR THINKING THAT WAS A GOOD POST. 

Look at it.
It's disgusting.
I bet the writer of it loved using thesaurus.com to pull words out of his behind to sound all "fancy" and "articulate".
As spammers, we will never ever do this. If anything, we should be using thesaurus.com to make ourselves sound illiterate. (Give me some applause here. I managed to spell thesaurus and illiterate correct without having to go back and fix it. GO ME!)

~The Insult~

With the knowledge of proper post writing in mind we can now move on to making horrible, spammy, or inflaming posts.
To do this we must first start with a synopsis of what we want to say.
For example:
I think Only Lilly has bad breath and that she's an experiment in artificial stupidity.
This, would normally be fine as a spam post, but it just doesn't have quite the... finesse we're looking for.
So, let's break it down and try and make it even worse.

~The Breakdown~

To do this we must address what we're trying to say here.
Lilly is stupid, AND, her breath smells.

Breath smells... Breath smells... Breath pertaining to the exhalation of the stale air traveling out of her mouth as she breaths, and smells pertaining to the bad odor it has...

That's it! We'll have to turn that into something not even a five year-old would be comfortable saying.
DooDoo Mouth.

Now that we've gotten that taken care of, we must figure out the final part of our insult: Lilly's intelligence.

To do this we must, once again, think of something that would cause a small child to cry profusely.
Now there are many ways we can accomplish this, all of which are effective, but today I'm going to be going with the old classic:
Lilly's dumb!

After a few complicated calculations...



...we arrive to the final statement:
Lilly's dumb and has doodoo mouth
Perfect. Absolute perfection.

We have our post. We're ready to rock, and from here on out the best way to spread our spam with the world is to post it in every thread on the website.
Every. Freaking. Thread.

Pizza out.

I mean, probs could have gone to the shoutbox and said "wow lily, want more spam with that post" or something along those lines...

"Lilly's dumb and has doodoo mouth"

Holy hell. I am crying with laughter. I read it all the way through, and I sincerely applaud this post.

This... this... post.


Thank you, Pizza. Thank you.

Thank you, Pizza. Thank you.

Anytime~

I mean, probs could have gone to the shoutbox and said "wow lily, want more spam with that post" or something along those lines...

But...But...But... What would be the fun in that? That's not sassy enough!