Resigning from Global Mod – How I feel

Most people will not read this because it is too long or they don’t really care, but thanks to the people that actually spend their time reading this as it has taken me a lot of time to write this all and explain how I am feeling, so here I go…

When I first got the chance to be a Global Mod I was really excited and loved the clan a lot and had so many ideas of what I can do to help and was really enthusiastic with it all. I remember when I got asked it was so unexpected as I was just an elite member rank at the time and didn’t really ever think I would get higher then outstanding to be honest, the day Lilly asked me was actually happy that I got a chance to do more for the clan, in the past I had ideas that never really brought forward just because of me being me and to shy and all that.

I use to be very talkative in the clan chat, talk to every member and try helping everyone as much as I could, though people may think otherwise. Things were all good, did a lot of stuff on forums as well, helped with that and clan chat and clan events. Have made so many friends in this clan over the whole time from the beginning, loads of great people I have met in this clan. When I first joined the clan I use to be a big noob (still am tbh) have hardly any skills and much but I use to try my best to well, have been though a lot when I was still a new member lots of people from this clan helped me when another member as all the old members will know scammed me for a Santa hat. I remember lots of members helping me back then when I was close to quitting as it was a big amount of my bank and had spent a lot of time with that. The clan was very good, very close together and helping each other. Wasn’t a huge clan back then, but the people were lovely and all close like a family more than a clan.

But I don’t know but over the last one or two months or even a little before it feels like it’s changing, I use to be close with loads with everyone but seem like there are loads of people now and I don’t feel like it’s the same Consentus family feel like it was back before. Since I have been Global Mod seems like lots of people started hating me, not saying it’s linked with that but just since around the same time. Also it feels like since I made my skiller all I got on that account was hate, seems like I started levelling to fast and all anyone said was shit, oh you transfer, you buy floors blah blah blah… but no one knew wtf they were talking about. If they actually looked properly could see how I did everything. I remember with the 300 bank limit on trial cleaning herbs for 70 herblore, doing bolts for smithing for profit and yew long bows and stuff like that. And then there was Dungeoneering, when I started that I did 1-80 in f2p and then started dging with friends in p2p and I got like 92 very fast and then all people use to say was not gratz you’re doing well, was just shit like stop buying floors when they don’t even know how I Dungeon. Done all of it with friend that I usually did Dungeoneering with on main, and in the floors I use to help more than most skiller do, because I have a lot of experience in Dungeoneering like in c1 use to direct people and tell them important stuff and sometimes also path, but enough of talking about Dungeoneering.

I just felt like people are just talking shit without knowing anything about it and just bring me down. Lately you may have noticed I have been less talkative in the clan chat because whenever I use to talk people usually said shit and like just feels like so many hate me and loads of people only pm me for help or something hardly anyone talked to me just to talk to me like people use to, seems like everyone is after something at the end of the day and in it for themselves. Just felt like people trying to bring me down and everything so just backed off. I stopped playing my skiller as well, didn’t feel like levelling and then getting more shit from people, only go on it very little now.

Also havnt even being doing anything on main now, use to average 50-60m xp a month and this month sitting on like 6 or 7m because RS was really fun when playing with friend and all but when people are all negative just doesn’t motivate me to play like I use to. I use to enjoy playing so much, getting high xp and everything. I remember I use to try getting ‘Pro and Noob’ thing every month (I think I got it for like 6 or 7 months in a row and I was trying to go for a year) then people started complaining that I am the only one that wins, yeah that’s because I tried to do it… but all people said was it’s not fun because I always win, well people didn’t want to try and beat me nope they stopped me from being able to win just to make it better for themselves.  : c

Also some people say a lot of stuff about my personal stuff, most people don’t even know that much about my personal stuff but still chose to say things, people don’t know what happens in real life with my life, what I go though, why I play this game and all the other things but seems like everyone always has something bad to say about it. Some people may know about the thing with my parents and me but I am not going to go into that much. All people say is negative hurtful things that make me back away and there are only a few people in the clan I have actually opened up to and connected with that know about some of my personal things all the other people are just there to find something to be negative about or something to bring me down so I don’t share that many personal things with everyone. Sometimes people ask me some personal questions that I answer but it seems like there not actually listening as they would keep asking the same stuff again and again, not sure if they do it to make fun or whatever but I just had enough of it all.

When I have been a Global Mod I have tried to help a lot, do anything I can on forums, help with clan chat, help with events and recruiting as much as I could but still if I did one tiny thing wrong it felt like I got moaned at for not being perfect and seemed like if I did 100 right things and one wrong it would just be the wrong one that gets mentioned over and over again and not much thanks for the things I do to help, I have spent a lot of time to do a lot people may not know how much time some stuff take. Just things like doing all the applications threads, the skype names and all those similar thread, trying to think of and organise event like I tried with the weekly hide and seek, even doing a reward to try help out people but people just stopped turning up to my events… and then the quiz thread, sorting out the league table and changing all that, and actually thinking of the questions and doing the quiz and then sometimes people just said shit about that as well like they didn’t like 1 question or something, you know how shit that makes you feel when you spend so much time doing something to help other people have a good time and enjoy something and someone just turns around and says shit about it, makes me feel like what was the point.

 I tried to do so much to help but the things I did, I didn’t want to go on about it like do one thing and make a huge deal, to me it wasn’t about making everyone aware of everything I do, it was just good seeing people happy at the end of it, but people still turned around and said I didn’t do anything to help and I was being bad or just saying a load of shit that they don’t know fuck all about but I tried a lot and at the end I guess I wasn’t good enough for everyone’s perfect expectations. Just seems like no one wants me to do anything anymore and people just want me to back down as all I get is hate and nothing more. No one has actually said anything to make me smile in a long while and just seems like I am alone so I just back away from it all and try going into my own little world I guess.

I don’t think I can be Global Mod any more for Consentus, probably a lot of the clan don’t even want me to be because they don’t like me or think I am bad at it, i actually enjoyed a lot of being Global Mod but i think its for the best. It is really hard to stick at something like this that just keeps making me miserable and sad so it is time for me to step down. I have had a lot of friends in this clan but it seems like more and more of the friends are drifting away from me. I think I am going to leave the clan chat and might guest in it sometimes. I am not saying there haven’t been good times where I have enjoyed it a lot because I would be lying there has been a lot of good times but lately it just seems like all the good times are fading away and being replaced by what before was a few bad times to now being majority bad times. I have a lot of good memories as well which I am thankful for and all of the good times and all the friends that have made them possible

I don't even know what to say Imy, we have only known each other for a few months but yet i can feel your pain and sadness every single day we talk,  I hope this will make you more happy, it would be good to see a smile on your face once in a while

I read every single word of that!
And I know I'm just a new member but I would love to see you happy!
As goes with every member of this clan<3

Your hard work for the clan will be remember I'm sure!
As long as your happy everything's good!<3

I hope we can talk sometime:)

I read the whole thing, Imy. I'm really, really sorry you feel that way. I know we've never been close, but if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm all ears. And please, don't hesitate to pm me. My pm is always on.

I really hope you decide to change your mind and stay as a Global Moderator. Stay strong, Imy.

Dayum imy i got the feeling that you were starting to lose interest in rs and the clan i have no idea what to say all i know is that i may not have known you for a long time but you have always been very helpful, nice and kind towards me and i hope i was able to do the same to you

I'm sorry you feel this way Imy, and I agree, it is annoying when you spend so long on something what you've done in your own time, which you didn't have to do, and people pick out the smallest things to criticise and do not consider anything else at all. I have also noticed that you've begun to become a lot more inactive ever since you've gotten 120 Dungeoneering. Maybe it's just time for you to take a break from Runescape completely for a month or two, it'll still be here when you get back anyway.

You're a great person Imy, and not once have I seen you say anything malicious to anyone, so I don't think you deserve the things people say to you. I'm sorry if I have ever said anything to upset you, don't think I have though.
Myself and I'm sure the rest of the staff appreciate everything you've done to help us, and it's been a pleasure working with you on the staff team these last few months.

I do hope you reconsider joining us in the future, but if not, good luck on your goals in game and in real life.

I understand what you're saying, and you're definitely right about it going from a 'family' to a 'clan'. I don't think people hate you, they're just not wanting to talk and have a good time with the clan.

Hope to see you back in the future, l8r.

This was a huge blow to me when I woke up to see this resignation.

Imy does masses as a global and I cannot think of a single person who would deny that you were a bad global mod.

Over the last few months there have been tensions between you and some members about dungeoneering, I did play a part in that I will admit.

I agree, you have lost interest in Runescape of late and have distanced yourself from some people you were close to.  I am hoping once all your exams are out of the way, you may get that certain spark you once had.

I can only apologise that I have had some part in you not feeling loved and welcome.

I do have to disagree with the comments that people have left saying we arent a family, I still disagree.  yes we are growing but the core of members are still the same.

I have asked you to take until the weekend about going, I hope you think long and hard about your decision. 

Dear Imy,

I know we hardly know each other, but to me you're a consentus clanmate, and for that i see you as a family member to me. I was gone for a few days and to come back and see that you and a few other members have quit, it upsets us all dearly. I know we didnt quite know each other and i realized that you were not very talkative lately, i just wish i would have known something was wrong. I wish there is something  i can do to help you. I honestly wish we could have been closer because this upsets me to know that you're leaving and not gunna be here. Even though we hardly talked Imy, i surely did look up to you as a big sister and someone i could go to if i have questions or look for answers.

You're amazing Imy, and i didn't know this was happening all along.

I wish we could have been friends before all of this happened, I think you're great and i hope to hear from you eventually, you're one of the important members in this clan and i just wish you wouldnt have resigned. I hope you continue on a great goal towards a higher and better future.

from you're closest non-friend who you can talk to whenever,

SaRah<3

What can I say, we never really talked much but it's sad to see you leave.

At least during my experience in cts so far I've never seen you talk shit to anyone so idk why you would get so much hate of all the people, but I do hope you reconsider coming back.

Dear Imy,
Well, I haven't spoken to you much, but when I did, I knew there were something quite extrodinary compared to most members, you spoke from the heart and never made anyone feel down,

To be honest, I dont have a clue what to say Imy, apart from a person as amazing like you will be missed so much!

Good Luck in your exams!
I will miss you
-Only Dan.

I didn't get to know you that much since I just joined the clan, but you were the first person I talked to when Tom and I joined! I remember us all sitting by the G.E and I helped you buy Red Chins because you were at your limit I knew CTS was the place for me that day, and you help me figure it out! Hope you are doing okay and whatever you choose to do you have a lot of friends in this clan that you can always talk to. =^-^=



~LBJ~

Wifey.

Not only are you one of my closest friends in the clan but you're also one of my closest and most important friends to me on the Internet. I know how hard life can sometimes be for you in real life (and I can relate with one particular aspect, you know which one) and I've always come to you whenever I'm sad or need help. I want you to know you can ALWAYS talk to me whenever you feel angry, upset or anything. To me, you were never seen as a bad Global Moderator and I saw (and appreciated but I'm sorry if I didn't show it) how much you did and how hard you worked for the clan. I have also, not once, believed you bought your floors in Dungeoneering as I know how sickened you are by that thought. I have noticed and spoken to you about being inactive and non-talkative in the clan chat and asked if you are okay - it's saddening for me as a friend of yours to see you so downhearted and feeling unwelcome. I've also been upset by people accusing you of buying floors and giving hate to you when not once have you ever been malicious or purposely hurtful to anyone (that I've seen) and you certainly don't deserve it.

Whether or not you leave the clan, know that I will always be one of your closest friends who you can always rely on and talk to. Don't lose touch with me and know that you're a beautiful, kind girl. We're wifeys, remember that.

Your work won't go to miss.

Even though we didn't really talked, you will be a huge loss. When reading that I agree that there is some negativity in the clan. If I was a part of that towards you I am very sorry.

I wish you good luck on what ever the next step is