Let me preface this by stating that everyone has some sort of emotional baggage, everyone goes through life, reacts to life and is brought up differently than others, all which can have a negative impact on your mental health which is very complex.

However, I strongly believe that if you can't love yourself or accept you for who you are as a human being, then you aren't ready to be in a relationship and shouldn't be in one whatsoever.

Lets use John as an example, John has body dysmorphia and hates how he looks. John carries a little weight making him slightly overweight for his BMI Index. However, John sees himself as an extremely obese person that just can't seem to lose the weight, no matter how little he eats. John hates how his face looks and hates the little overhang that he has; his ideal body type would be skinnier, works out and has abs. However, because John hates how he looks, he becomes very anxious with how he looks on a day to day basis and refuses to go to the gym due to his anxiety caused by how he looks.

John meets a woman online, lets call her Sue. John and Sue both seem to be having a good time. Sue has problems of her own, as everyone does, but John loves Sue for who she is, yet he cannot accept himself for who he really is, a slightly overweight man, which is perfectly fine, but as a result he now suffers from depression and anxiety due to the way he sees himself and how he thinks people view him.

John and Sue date for several months. Sue opens up to John about her struggles with depression, a common ground for them both. They tell eachother that they are perfect the way there are, but their words are meaningless, especially to John, who cannot love himself. One day, John is having a bad day, his axiety is through the roof and he can't bare to look at himself in the mirror, there is nothing Sue can do to make him happy. Later that evening, John attempts to kill himself but is stopped by Sue.

is this a fair and loving relationship? John has taken no steps to improve himself but has found himself a girlfriend, he can't accept himself for who he is, yet Sue can. Sue suffers depression and believes John to be perfect, yet she can't make him happy so has downers herself. Is this a fair and loving relationship?

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Can you really be in a loving relationship when you can't even be true to yourself? I strongly believe that you shouldn't be, are my views ignorant or acceptable? I'm genuinely interested in seeing what people have to say about this.

Thanks for sharing, Damien 

That's an interesting case Mini Nub. I am afraid I disagree with you here though. If I have learned one thing about depression, it is the fact that it turns yourself against you. In the end you have to convince yourself not to do that anymore, but you need others to progressively drill that into your head. If John would feel like he is dragging Sue down with him and starts isolating himself because of it, his situation will get worse and will definitly try to end his life again. I don't think Sue would be happy if that would ever happen without her being able to do anything about it, cause she loves him. If they are in a loving relationship they can help eachother through the though times. Even if that means they will have to go to therapy together, they will be stronger walking together then alone.

Everyone has his or hers own bagage. But the load is lighter when you can carry it together. The point is: everyone deserves to love and to be loved. Even if you can't love yourself, it helps a lot if you can love others. It's a process almost everyone has to go through and some have it worse than others. But in the end you will be able to see the little sparkles in the dark that keep you going for a night sky full of stars